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May 01, 2020 05:36PM ● By Julie Ross

Julie Ross



By Julie Ross



A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.


Because there is nothing funny about the coronavirus pandemic, I thought it might be good for our mental health to take a break with some really bad puns. In honor of National Pun Day, which falls on May 15, I have assembled some terrible examples for your enjoyment.


Under quarantine, it’s hard to remember what happened yesterday and keep track of what day it is today, never mind making plans for the next few months. Consider this take on the time warp we’re all caught in: The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. (So true.)


We can’t go out with friends or family to eat at our local restaurants. When the restrictions are lifted, I believe we might still feel a bit uneasy mingling with others. When I first venture out to a favorite spot and the hostess asks, “Do you have reservations?” I hope to reply, “No, I’m confident I want to eat here.”


And while we’ve been missing out on attending live concerts, we can continue to enjoy music as we shelter in place. The following is perhaps the worst music-related pun I could find: C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender shows them the door and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.” (Ouch.)


Most of our trips, business and pleasure, had to be canceled. On the bright side, this means not enduring travel-related hassles. Packing was an easy decision for this electromagnetic particle: A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if it has any luggage. The photon says, “No, I’m travelling light.” (Sorry about that one.)


As time goes on, we’ll tire of our virtual get-togethers and look forward to going out for happy hour with a friend or co-worker, hoping for a better outcome than the protagonist in the following pun: A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” (I know, the puns just keep getting worse, but I can’t seem to stop myself…)


On the positive side, many people in our community are thinking of others and making donations to groups in need. So, you might wonder why crabs aren’t participating. It’s because they are shellfish.


And on that note, I’ll stop. You’re welcome. Hang in there.


Wait, I forgot to include a TP-related joke: If you’re American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom? European. There you go.


You can reach Julie to complain about this month’s column at [email protected]