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As Russ Sees It

Aug 28, 2017 08:48AM ● By Russ Carroll

Russ Carroll

Glad That’s Over! By Russ Carroll

Well, summer is almost behind us, and although I am not a big fan of rainy, cold weather, I am a big fan of the clothing it allows me to wear. I would much rather wear a pair of sweatpants and a hoody over a T-shirt. Now, if it is wet outside, I will opt for tennis shoes. If it’s dry, I’ll look a bit like an Eskimo wearing flip-flops. I believe flip-flops are a year-round option.

Now, it’s not that I necessarily enjoy sweats and hoodys more than a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. It’s just that at this juncture of my life, I happen to look a lot better all bundled up than dressed down. Shorts expose my chicken legs. I once had someone ask me if I felt safe walking around on them. He was a bit surprised that these chicken legs could even hold me upright let alone allow me to move from point A to point B. An ex-friend of mine once said, “So, you played sports with those legs?” Well at the time of the comment he was a friend of mine, but I unfriended him faster than an ex unfriends a spouse on Facebook.

The hoody does a great job of a couple of things, mainly hiding my bloated belly, which I am certain stems from an undiagnosed medical condition. My doctor tends to think it is from my food and beverage choices and a lack of exercise. I mean, whatever happened to “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? Another positive function of the hoody is it covers my rippling biceps, which were once described as resembling a baby’s bottom. This person was quickly unfriended as well.

I wouldn’t mind hitting the gym and pumping some iron if it weren’t for all the mirrors. Nothing strips me of my motivation faster than a mirror at the gym. Why don’t they put the mirrors at the far end of the gym so the people in great shape can simply walk down to the mirrored end and take a selfie? What would be great is if a gym had those mirrors that change your shape and size like at a carnival fun house. Then we would all be on an equal playing field because we would all look stupid. If I could get a corn dog and a beer at the gym like I can at a carnival, I might just show up. Or, perhaps, have a section with mirrors and a section without mirrors. I guess that wouldn’t work in our hyper-vigilant, everything needs to be politically correct world. Does going to the gym and cruising around with sweat pants and a hoody while talking with people you know count as a workout? It should count for something... at least I’d be at the gym. Baby steps.

Finally, the hoody allows me to toss the hood over my head and do my impression of Darth Vader or a character out of Assassins Creed. Regardless, it’s almost time to put away the shorts and T-shirts in favor of cold weather gear. If I don’t get into sweats and a hoody soon, I may run out of friends, or the energy to unfriend them all. After all, I am out of shape. But…that’s just how I see it. 


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