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As Russ Sees It

Jun 26, 2017 10:50PM ● By Russ Carroll

Russ Carroll

Keeping It Simple!

By Russ Carroll

As a man, I can safely say I know a lot about men. I have been one for a long time. I have spent the majority of my life working with, living with, and hanging out with men. It’s simple with men. We get it. There is no need to complicate things or make them harder than they are. Less is more with men. Like Steve Martin in The Jerk, we only need a few things: a great woman to hang out with, food (preferably something from the meat category), drink (preferably something from the beer category), and shelter (preferably something with a pool). That’s it. That’s all we need. Let me offer a couple of examples.

Men can sit in a pub and watch sports talk shows with no volume. Although we may know what topic is being discussed, thanks to the on-screen titles, we have no idea what is being said. Yet, we will sit there for a couple of hours and stare at the TV like we can read lips. It can get really interesting when we start to debate the point the host is making even though we have no idea what it is. See, we are simple.

Our wives can take the kids and go away for a week and we will dirty the following dishes: one bowl, one spoon, one knife, one fork, one coffee cup, and one regular glass. You see, we can eat our morning cereal out of the same bowl we will eat ice cream from later that evening. We will also use the same spoon for both meals. Yes, ice cream is a meal, just ask any man. We will use the same coffee cup all week while utilizing that same cereal/ice cream spoon to stir with. Any meal that cannot be consumed from atop a paper towel will get the same plate, knife, fork, and, yes, the same spoon, if one is required. The glass is for milk, water, and beer. Yes, we do rinse between uses. If we get to feeling fancy in your absence, we may crack open a bottle of wine, however, the wine does not require a wine glass. No need to dirty something that only has one purpose. The spouse returns to a nearly perfectly clean kitchen and is happy, at least until she sees the dirty clothes pile. Oh well, no one’s perfect, but we are simple.

The example that best describes our simplicity is our desire and willingness to catch a foul ball at a baseball game. Men will run over small children, scale the elderly, and dive onto concrete to secure a baseball hit by a batter from the other team we have never heard of. We don’t care. It’s a baseball. I swear you could line us all up along the foul line and have some no-name big leaguer throw the ball into the outfield, and we would race to it like a pack of dogs chasing a tennis ball at the park. We are simple.

Men also have a keen sense of smell. We smell ourselves to see if we need a shower, our clothes to see if we can wear them again, and the bathroom to see if it needs a little air freshener before leaving. Our sense of smell makes up for our complete color blindness. Colors are our kryptonite. We are simple.

So, ladies, I say we are simple and easy to have around. Just understand our strengths and our weaknesses. Don’t ask us to pick out clothes that match.  And try to keep a baseball around just in case you need our attention. But…that’s just how I see it!