As Russ Sees It
May 01, 2017 02:02PM
● By Russ Carroll
Like any great athlete (ha!), if you play a game at the highest level, the game begins to slow down. Well, let me just say that the game has slowed way down for me. Goals, needs, and expectations are all pretty much in neutral. My life is pretty simple right now, and I have to say that I like it. I’ve got nothing to do and all day to do it.
I first noticed a trend when my girlfriend said, “Let’s get outside today, it’s beautiful.” So I went outside and sat in a folding chair on the deck. Apparently, this was not what she had in mind. I’ll give her credit though; she sat right down next to me. Later she said, “Let’s go out!” So I went back outside and sat in a folding chair on the deck. Apparently, I missed that call too. Trying to rouse me she said, “Let’s go get sushi.” I said, “There’s tuna in the cupboard.” Apparently, I missed that one as well.
It started to hit me awhile back when I was filling out an online profile. When I got to the section for date of birth and clicked the drop box for year of birth, it took forever to scroll down to my year. It was like being on the wheel of fortune; the wheel just kept spinning! I knew I was getting really lazy when I answered certain questions on the profile. Place of birth? My answer: “Hospital.” Did you graduate high school? My answer: “Barely.” Graduation date? My answer: “Karen Cavoto.” Sex? “Yes, but rarely. Any ideas?”
I knew it was going south when I started reading the AARP magazine and took telemarketing calls so I had someone to talk to. When I get those calls I always like to answer, “Hey buddy, what’s up?” The other night I found myself in Safeway wearing slippers. My only thought was,“God, please don’t let me run into someone I know.” I checked to make sure my zipper was up and headed in like I owned the place. I mean slippers are one thing, but the barn door being open is another.
Regardless, I am still happy to be me. After all, it’s not the years; it’s the miles. I think I got a few miles left, and I have the best stories ever! After all, I am a great dad. I borrow money from my son. It’s awesome. I say, “Hey bud, you got a few bucks to loan me?” It’s just like all those years when the kids asked to borrow money and I was well aware I’d never see it. Now that I am AARP eligible, it feels great to steal money from my children. After all, I am way ahead on this scorecard. But…that’s just how I see it.